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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736738">Stuffed by a Giant Rainbow Turkey</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittens/pseuds/Kittens'>Kittens</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hand Feeding, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Public Display of Affection, Thanksgiving</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:53:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736738</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittens/pseuds/Kittens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux answers an online ad for someone looking for a holiday gathering to go to. This Kylo Ren has one goal - to cause chaos. And that's exactly what Hux wants to bring to Brendol's Thanksgiving dinner.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux's Mother/Maratelle Hux, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stuffed by a Giant Rainbow Turkey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hux wasn’t lonely.</p>
<p>He was bored. At least that’s what he told himself as he looked through personal ads online. It was pathetic, but it wasn’t as if anyone had to know. He just wanted to see what other people — actually lonely people — were looking for. And of course, he would never respond to any of the ads. What kind of person did that?</p>
<p>Just as Hux was thinking he should find something better to do, a new posting caught his eye. It was different than the others and Hux couldn’t help but click on the title: “Need someone to ruin family Thanksgiving?”</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>I’m a 6’3” dude who likes getting into fights over anything. Want me to come start shit with your family? I can be a friend or boyfriend or tell your family the truth that I’m a stranger off the internet. Whatever pisses them off.</p>
  <p>I will absolutely fight your dad or brother or any family member you want. Email me and we can work out the details.</p>
</blockquote><p>Hux couldn’t help but imagine what would happen if he turned up at Brendol’s with a stranger. Especially one that seemed so intent on causing chaos. As much as Hux didn’t want to see his father, he couldn’t help but think it might be interesting. And his stepmom had seemed so disappointed that he wasn’t going to go. Maybe this would finally get him permanently uninvited.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, he was sending an email, asking the person he didn’t even know to go to his father’s house for Thanksgiving. As soon as he sent it, he regretted it. It had to have been a joke. Not that some stranger on the internet would know who he was, but Armitage still felt embarrassed. He didn’t have too long to dwell on it before a new email came in from a Kylo Ren.</p>
<p>Hux read it over a few times to make sure he wasn’t missing anything. This Kylo really seemed serious about it. Hux couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person posted an ad like that, but Hux was the one who’d responded. And he soon found himself replying to the email, answering the questions Kylo had.</p>
<p>He gave him a few details on the gathering — it would be at his father’s house at four o’clock, and it would be his father, stepmom, and a few of his father’s work friends, all of whom Kylo was allowed to fight. Hux thought for a moment about what they should say the nature of their relationship was. Brendol would hate knowing Kylo was a stranger, but he’d hate even more if they were dating, so he suggested that they go as boyfriends.</p>
<p>Kylo replied, agreeing to the plan. Along with his number, he let Hux know just how far he was willing to take things as his fake boyfriend. Kylo said that he was willing to hug and hold hands, which seemed normal enough to Hux. But he also said he’d be willing to make out, dry hump on the dinner table and give a handjob. And if Hux were to provide a recent test, Kylo would even blow him.</p>
<p>Hux couldn’t believe that someone would go that far just to cause drama. Kylo didn’t even know what he looked like. And Hux didn’t know what Kylo looked like. How could Kylo be okay with that? But as Hux typed out his reply, he only said they could keep their options open, although he thought holding hands would be sufficient.</p>
<p>But maybe Kylo was hot and Hux would want to do more. More likely he was hideous and that’s why he didn’t have an actual boyfriend to spend the holiday with. Still, it wasn’t as if Hux was really going to date him.</p>
<p>He sent Kylo his number and asked about where he should pick him up on Thanksgiving. Kylo sent him an address and said he’d bring something to dinner. Hux decided not to ask.</p>
<p>Now that he had his plans with Kylo, he just needed to let Maratelle know he’d changed his mind about going to Thanksgiving. He pulled up his messages, finding Maratelle’s right at the top. He didn’t get many text messages.</p>
<p>Hux told her that he was considering changing his mind, and asked if he could bring a guest. Maratelle replied almost immediately, asking if it was a date. After a few minutes, Hux replied in the affirmative and Maratelle immediately agreed.</p>
<p>She wouldn’t be as excited once she met Kylo, but hopefully he would never have to put up with anyone begging him to come over for the holidays again.</p>
<p> </p>

<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>***</p>
</div><p>Hux was a little nervous as he drove to pick Kylo up. Although they’d talked a little more about what sorts of behaviors Brendol would find most obnoxious and other details about how the evening would go, Hux really knew nothing about him.</p>
<p>For all he knew, Kylo was a serial killer. What kind of name was Kylo anyway? It definitely sounded like a serial killer’s name. Not that a murderer would be the worst thing to show up at Brendol’s house.</p>
<p>Hux pulled up to the apartment building and texted Kylo to let him know he was there. Kylo soon texted back to say he was on his way. A few minutes later, the door opened and a tall man walked out dressed in a turkey costume with rainbow tail feathers.</p>
<p>He’d said that it was a formal event and that Brendol expected everyone to dress nicely, so Kylo had said he’d do the opposite. Hux had expected torn-up jeans and an old t-shirt, but the costume was much better.</p>
<p>“You Hux?” Kylo asked, getting in the car without waiting for an answer. Hux had told him what kind of car to look for, so it should have been obvious.</p>
<p>“That’s just the name I use when stalking new victims,” Hux said as he started to drive. He glanced over at Kylo to see his reaction, but he only laughed. He had a loud laugh that filled the entire car and Hux couldn’t remember ever hearing such a wonderful sound.</p>
<p>“So if you want, I can fight everyone there,” Kylo said. “You said it’s a bunch of old guys, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Hux confirmed. “You don’t have to fight all of them, but feel free if you want. My stepmom will be there as well. And my mother. They're the only normal ones, so they probably won't want to fight you, but no guarantees.”</p>
<p>“Wait,” Kylo said. “Your dad’s gonna be there. And your mom. And your dad’s wife? And you need me to bring chaos?”</p>
<p>“She’s not my father’s wife,” Hux said. “At least not anymore. Maratelle divorced my father when I was young and married my mother.”</p>
<p>“Holy shit! This is gonna be fun!”</p>
<p>“I’m glad someone thinks so,” Hux grumbled. He really couldn’t think of a less fun way to spend an evening, but hopefully with Kylo there, it would be exciting. Then, he decided he might as well explain the situation a little bit. "My father pays my mom and stepmom to do the cooking since he can't be bothered to do it himself."</p>
<p>"Sounds like a lazy ass," Kylo said.</p>
<p>“Can I ask why you’re doing this?” Hux asked after a while.</p>
<p>“Nothing else to do,” Kylo said. “I usually go to my parents’ place, but they said that I had to be nice to my sister and her boyfriends this year. So I said I wasn’t going. And they said fine. So. If I can’t fight my family, guess I’ll fight someone else’s.”</p>
<p>“Good thing I have a father in need of a good punch to the face. Assuming he doesn’t die of a heart attack when I introduce you as my boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“I’ll do my best to give him one,” Kylo said.</p>
<p>That really would be the perfect Thanksgiving - a rainbow turkey killing Brendol. He wasn’t the most homophobic person Hux knew, but he didn’t approve of the “lifestyle” and only found gay people acceptable if he “couldn’t tell.” It was going to be blindingly obvious with Kylo.</p>
<p>When they pulled up to the house, Hux didn’t hesitate to walk up to the door. He couldn’t wait to see his family’s reaction. Before ringing the doorbell, he took Kylo’s hand, not wanting anyone to doubt they were a couple. Although if things went the way Hux was hoping, that would be the least of anyone’s concerns.</p>
<p>The door opened and Hux saw Maratelle. He smiled, but before he could say anything, Kylo held out a plastic bag. Hux hadn’t seen what it was and hadn’t thought to ask.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Maratelle asked.</p>
<p>“Turkey dinner flavored candy corn!” Kylo said cheerfully. “It’s what I usually have for Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p>Hux held back a laugh. He had no idea such a ridiculous thing even existed, but he was glad that Kylo had brought it along. He’d have to make sure Brendol saw it, but first, he needed to do introductions.</p>
<p>“Maratelle, this is my boyfriend, Kylo. Kylo, my stepmom.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Kylo said. “The one who divorced your dad and married your mom. She’s kinda your stepmom twice, you know.”</p>
<p>“Come in,” Maratelle said. “It’s nice to meet you Kylo. I was surprised when Armie said he was bringing someone. He’s never brought someone home before.”</p>
<p>“Well, what Armie and I have is special,” Kylo said before planting a kiss on Hux’s cheek.</p>
<p>“Armie!”</p>
<p>Soon, Hux found his mother’s arms wrapped around him, but she didn’t hug him nearly as long as she usually did, her attention drawn by Kylo. And how could she not pay attention to him? He was tall, wide, and wearing a ridiculous costume.</p>
<p>“I can’t wait until Brendol sees this,” she said once introductions were made.</p>
<p>They walked into the kitchen where Brendol and his friends, Brooks and Pryde, were standing around, drinking beer. Because of course they couldn’t be bothered to help cook. As soon as they walked in the room, they fell silent as they stared.</p>
<p>“What in the hell is this?” Brendol demanded.</p>
<p>“Armie has a boyfriend,” Maratelle said. “He brought candy corn.” She held up the bag and Brendol glared at it as if it contained poison.</p>
<p>“What is this shit?” Brendol shouted.</p>
<p>“Don’t be rude,” Hux’s mom said.</p>
<p>“We’re trying to have a nice Thanksgiving and the boy brings that here?”</p>
<p>Hux wasn’t sure if he was referring to Kylo or the candy corn, or perhaps both, but it didn’t matter. He was getting the exact reaction that he wanted. And he knew it would only escalate from there. Brooks and Pryde were glaring at them, and Hux knew they must hate it just as much as Brendol.</p>
<p>“Did you want a beer, darling?” Hux asked, turning to Kylo.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Kylo said. Hux let go of his hand and got a beer for each of them. As soon as he gave Kylo his, he started to chug it, tipping his head back far enough that the hood of his costume fell back and for the first time, Hux got a good look at him.</p>
<p>He was definitely hot.</p>
<p>From the brief glances in the car, Hux had thought that he was rather average looking, but now that he could clearly see him, he realized just how wrong he had been. His long black hair looked soft and Hux wanted to pet it for hours while also tracing the moles that dotted his face. He had a scar on the side of his face, but that didn’t detract from his beauty. If anything, it made him even more beautiful.</p>
<p>Hux couldn’t help but imagine kissing all along that scar, then kissing his nose and those soft, plump lips. An ear poked out from under his hair and Hux wanted to put that in his mouth as well. He also noticed that he had a large nose, ears, and hands. He glanced down to Kylo’s feet and saw they were just as large as everything else about him and Hux couldn’t help but wonder just what else about Kylo was oversized.</p>
<p>“Hey, sweetheart,” Kylo said after downing the beer. “Something wrong?”</p>
<p>“I always forget how turned on I get when you chug a beer,” Hux said going over to him and grabbing him by the face. He pressed his lips against Kylo’s and fortunately, Kylo didn’t even hesitate, kissing him back.</p>
<p>Before too long, Kylo had Hux up against a wall and started to grind his hips against him. He could hear Brendol yelling, but he didn’t care what he was saying. He was far more interested in what Kylo would do to him. And Hux had the feeling he wasn’t going to stop him.</p>
<p>“All right you two,” Hux’s mom said. “You’ll have time enough for that later. Let’s eat.”</p>
<p>They sat down to eat and Hux moved his chair closer to Kylo’s so that he was practically sitting in his lap. He realized that it was the most human contact he’d had in a very long time. Maybe later he’d have to do something about that, but he needed to focus on keeping up the boyfriend act.</p>
<p>Kylo was a very sloppy eater and every now and then, he’d reach over and pull something off of Hux’s plate and feed it to him. It was odd the first time Kylo grabbed a piece of turkey and held it up to Hux’s lips, but he took it from him, his tongue just barely touching Kylo’s fingers. He did it a few more times, and each time, Hux allowed his tongue to taste more and more of Kylo. He just couldn’t get enough.</p>
<p>Whenever Kylo did that, Brendol or one of his friends would make some comment about how rude they found gay people and asked why it always had to be shoved in their faces. But that did nothing to stop them.</p>
<p>Just as they finished eating, Kylo wrapped an arm around Hux’s shoulder and moments later, they were kissing again. Hux found himself in Kylo’s lap, his hands on his chest. He could feel his muscles and he wished there was nothing between them, wanting to get a better feel, but he knew it was the best he was going to get.</p>
<p>“All right!” Brendol shouted. “I’ve had enough of this! I want to talk to you, Armitage! Now!”</p>
<p>He walked into the other room and Hux started to follow, but seeing that Brooks and Pryde were also going with Brendol, Hux brought Kylo along with him. He wrapped an arm around Kylo’s waist and even as they walked into the other room, Kylo had his hands all over him.</p>
<p>“God damn,” Kylo said, pulling Hux into another kiss. His hands travelled down to his ass, holding him before giving him a quick slap. “Can’t wait to give you even better stuffing!”</p>
<p>Hux knew he was blushing, but fortunately, his back was to Brendol. He hid his face in the crook of Kylo’s neck, enjoying his scent.</p>
<p>“We are not having a family gathering for the two of you to fornicate at the table!” Brendol shouted.</p>
<p>“Why can’t I show my love for my boyfriend?” Hux shouted back, turning to face Brendol. “Because you’re so pathetic that no one will ever love you?”</p>
<p>“It’s obscene!”</p>
<p>“You’re obscene!” Kylo joined in the shouting match and Hux was ready to just let him take over.</p>
<p>“Who the hell are you to come into my house -”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up! You’re just mad that I’m fucking your son! And it’s better sex than you’ve ever had!”</p>
<p>“Stop that!” Pryde ordered.</p>
<p>“Who the fuck are you even? What is this? Old men who can’t get laid club?”</p>
<p>“I want you out of my house! Now!”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Kylo asked, pulling his hands off of Hux and crossing his arms over his chest. “You gonna make me?”</p>
<p>“That’s it,” Brendol said, stomping forward. Hux couldn’t help but flinch, his instincts telling him that Brendol was coming for him. Brendol hadn’t laid a hand on him since he stopped going to his house, but he couldn’t help but think that Brendol was going to hit him. But it was Kylo he was after.</p>
<p>Just as Brendol reached for him, Kylo punched him. It was the most glorious sight that Hux had ever seen in his life. A large man dressed as a rainbow turkey punching Brendol in the face. Time seemed to slow down as Hux committed that scene to memory — it was something he would never forget.</p>
<p>Brendol stumbled backwards and then Pryde and Brooks were coming after Kylo. He hit them too and Hux couldn’t help himself — he hit Pryde in the head with his elbow. He’d always wanted to hit him and with Kylo there, he finally had the chance.</p>
<p>By the time the fight was over, Brooks, Pryde and Brendol were all lying on the floor, bleeding. Kylo had a few scrapes on him as well, but was not nearly as beat up as the others. Clearly, it had been the right idea bringing him.</p>
<p>“Guess it’s time to go,” Kylo said casually, as if he hadn’t just beat up three people. “Lemme grab some candy corn for the road though.”</p>
<p>They walked back to the kitchen and Kylo grabbed the bag of candy corn, tearing it open and shoving a handful into his mouth. Hux cringed at that. He usually could handle a single piece of candy corn a year and had no idea how anyone could put that much of it in their mouth at once. Especially turkey flavored candy corn.</p>
<p>“We’ll cover for you,” Maratelle said as they made their way to the front door. “We’ll tell them they had too much to drink.”</p>
<p>“Let’s pour some alcohol on them,” Hux’s mom said. “It’ll be easier to convince them that they did this to themselves.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Hux said. “I’ll just pretend we were never here.”</p>
<p>“You should come around more often,” Maratelle said.</p>
<p>“And it was nice meeting you, Kylo,” Hux’s mom said, smiling. “I think you need to come around more often as well.”</p>
<p>As soon as they were in the car, they both started laughing. It had been a complete disaster but it was the most fun that Hux had had in a very long time. Even before Kylo punched Brendol, it had been great, but the fight had just made everything better.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much for this,” Hux said. “I’d almost say we should do it again for Christmas.”</p>
<p>“Are you doing anything on Christmas?”</p>
<p>“I doubt they’ll be inviting me over again, which was the whole plan.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Kylo was silent for a few minutes. “But are you doing anything else?”</p>
<p>“Not likely,” Hux said, not sure why Kylo would care about his Christmas plans.</p>
<p>“I was thinking. This was fun. Not just the fighting and being obnoxious. But the kissing. And if you wanted to do that. Just the two of us. I’d be open.”</p>
<p>“Are you -”</p>
<p>“Forget it,” Kylo said quickly. “It was a stupid idea. Just drop me off and you can forget all about me.”</p>
<p>“No,” Hux said, pulling the car over on the side of the road. He didn’t want to have that conversation while driving. It was dark and he could barely see Kylo, but at least he could give him his full attention.</p>
<p>“You’re not actually a serial killer, are you?” Kylo asked, looking out the window. “I’d rather not die in this costume.”</p>
<p>“I’m not,” Hux assured him. “I enjoyed tonight as well. I assumed this was all simply an act on your part, but if you were really interested in getting together again, I would like that.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Hux said immediately. “You’re fucking hot, even in that ridiculous costume. I spent half the night thinking about what you look like without it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, really? You were imagining me without the costume on?”</p>
<p>“I was, actually,” Hux said, placing a hand on Kylo’s thigh. When he didn’t push him away, he started to drift closer to his crotch. “I was thinking about just how big your cock is and all those muscles of yours and how easy it would be for you to pin be against a wall and -”</p>
<p>“Oh, fuck,” Kylo moaned as Hux’s fingers brushed against his cock. Kylo pulled Hux into a kiss, fumbling with their seatbelts. As much as Hux would have liked to fuck him right then and there, it really wasn’t the place.</p>
<p>“Not now,” Hux said, settling back in his seat. “Want to come back to my place?”</p>
<p>“Fuck yeah,” Kylo said.</p>
<p>Hux took off, not even caring about how many speed limits he broke. He needed to get Kylo home and get that ridiculous turkey costume off of him as soon as possible.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come say hi on <a href="https://twitter.com/Battle_Walrus">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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